If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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