at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
