i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
