You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think your dad took our porno
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
