I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Operation Purity has been aborted
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
