What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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