So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
