Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
