I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
