I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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