Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
