I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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