dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
