god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
