You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
