I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
do herpes really smell.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So vagazzling was a success
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
