Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
