She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
