He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
