My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
