Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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