im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
