I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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