Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
