if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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