If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
