i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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