I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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