worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
