Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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