You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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