She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
