Small penises have feelings too.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
