So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
