Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
