they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
