I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
