he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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