When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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