maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Did I show you my penis last night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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