you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
