Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
