It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
and you fell through a lawn chair
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
