or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
