I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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