Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize