I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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