"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
