listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
