I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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