Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
