kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you made out with another girl for some wings
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
