margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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