checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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